1
Every
time you come over is a new episode for my melodrama.
Isn’t it?
If
only I were a little more patient with the pain of denial. I was never patient.
You see, with me everything had to be done in the moment; buying a book,
forcing my parents to get me all my cellphones, computers or even hair
straighteners, falling in love, leaving for good. It had to be done right then
or never at all.
It
was typical for me to wish you could fix things the second I destroyed them.
Its
complicated you see, I look for shortcuts and steady answers. I love security
but I am a little loose at times. I was a spoiled child, I always wanted more.
Bigger slice of cake, best seat in the lounge, a perfect human to love.
Its
easier for people to get off the track when they feel like trains of life don’t
need any. What a surprise this was to me! I was the Monica from friends, always
in control, always in charge of how I wanted to live how I wanted this or that,
or everything. I was conceited and a little too proud of how I always had you.
For every time I fell, you caught me. You were my savior.
For every time I fell, you caught me. You were my savior.
This,
my dear friend and former lover, is a letter to you which I never thought I
would have to write.
Its
funny how our love story never began at first sight. We ran our course steady.
Like a snowball we came down, collecting moments, adoring each other more and
more every day. It was easier like breathing. You chose me in all of my
absurdity and ugliness. You saw with your tiny Asian like eyes that no one else
could see. You knew what was up, didn’t you? You used to bring me all the songs
so dedicatedly… like you almost knew that they were all secretly for you, that
I listened to them thinking of you on repeat till I could no longer think
anymore. Yes I fell in love with you first but I still like to think that you
dived in at the same time.
Yours
forever,
N.
